On Being InvisibleWords Words Words Words Words, In my head, a constant rushing stream of conscience. Sometimes it's words of thoughtfulness and self-analysis, "I wonder if, I wonder this, I wonder..." Other times a drill Sargent of misplaced tough love, a voice that's trying to help me in all the wrong ways. "Cut it out! You're better then that! Stop Stop Stop." I'll usually shake it away and wrap my arms around myself softly instead. Then there's the slithery words, they come out of dark, wet, cave inside my heart.On Being Invisible by ZahrahLeona
"You piece of shit, you piece of shit, you piece of shit." The repetition soothes me in a strange way, even with the eerie appearance of feeling insane, like a schizophrenic broken record of repressed emotions. But that's the thing about words inside my head, they can't be seen, nor judged.
They also cannot be appreciated, compared, or mutually shared with anyone. In that sense, they are invisible. They are nothing. I'll temporarily invent a generation Z Buddhism for the sake of this idea;
Make A WishI wish I didn't fuck up,Make A Wish by ZahrahLeona
That was my birthday wish,
From ponies to boyfriends,
I'm older now.
The candles get fewer and fewer,
As if growing up is good enough,
Just take the cake because it's offered.
I fought so hard for no one's battle,
Self-crusading for myself,
with my eyes on you,
and your hands pulling away from mine
There's no one one my list I've let in,
and no one I've let in that I haven't lost
at least once,
and tried to get back again,
more times then I should.
This is to my mom and dad,
those friends that smile and pretend,
and the ones that share your pain,
but somehow never your happiness.
I blew my last candle out,
sending my mental request to God
I'm a fool running high and dry to the edge of the earth,
I speak too fast and bloat my determination,
Swallowing my tongue because I'm too impatient.
There's this bottle of pills playing tricks on the counter,
I laugh because it's not really me,
Thinking I'm such a mess that I need to jump to extremes.
Pent up energy driven t